a reason to live (a reason to want to)
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: IW spoilers. Tony is numb. Thor is angry. Is there any reason to fight when they've lost everything?


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.**

 **Auction Prompt - MCU**

 **Spoiler Warning for IW**

 **Word Count** \- 1511

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 **a reason to live (a reason to want to)**

* * *

He felt empty. There was nothing left of him, no fight, no will, no… nothing. There wasn't even pain anymore, though he knew there should be some. He was numb to everything.

It was odd, watching Rogers try to rally those left able to fight. To see Captain America in his natural setting after the last time Tony had seen him, it was odd.

He'd tried to talk to Tony, tried to instill some kind of want in him to fight the good fight. It hadn't worked, Tony had simply stared at him vacantly, a glass of scotch in his hands, until Rogers had sighed his disappointed sigh and walked away.

Tony didn't care.

He was tired. So exhausted and just so done, and he didn't want to fight anymore. He couldn't help but wish he hadn't made it off the planet where Thanos had stabbed him.

…

Stormbreaker sat beside him on the grass. He stared up at the sky, the stars taunting him cruelly. Everything he'd fought for, everything he'd worked for, all gone. Thanos had torn his life apart with little effort, and Thor didn't quite know what to do.

The hatred inside him was heavy and hard, running so deeply in him that it actually felt like it was weighing him down.

Loki was gone, as was Asgard and Heimdall. Thanos had turned half of the universe to dust in his quest to rule. Thor knew that the villain spoke pretty words of wanting to end suffering, but they were just that.

Pretty words to hide a vicious need to rule the universe.

Even Loki hadn't had such ambition.

Thor trembled slightly with the need to move, to do something, to release some of the emotion inside him so that he could think clearly. He wanted to battle, wanted to scream and rage, but he couldn't because the meager army that they had left wasn't ready to go against Thanos yet.

Instead, he stayed where he was on the grass, his eyes on the stars, waiting for the new day to be born and hopefully bring with it the opportunity to fight.

…

The balcony was silent. Tony leant against the bars looking over the city that he loved. It was quiet, quieter than Tony had ever known it to be and he hated it.

His hands shook, the ice cubes in his drink rattling together to break the silence. He'd been back for over a week. He knew the others were getting antsy, that they were preparing to go against Thanos, to try and makes things right.

Rogers had spoken to him three more times, implored Tony to help with the fight, but Tony wouldn't. Couldn't.

He'd given all he had to give and he had nothing left.

"The Captain has informed us that you refuse to fight."

Tony turned to see Thor approaching him, his face pained in a way Tony had never seen before. It felt oddly calming, to know that Tony wasn't the only one that was hurting, that he wasn't the only one that had lost the last person he thought of as family.

He'd heard about Loki, about his attempt to fool Thanos, and he couldn't help but have respect for the trickster. No matter what he'd done before, he'd tried in the end. They all had.

It hadn't been enough.

"What's the point?" Tony asked, looking down at his drink. "What's left to fight for?"

Thor sighed. "Because it is the right thing to do. Because it is the only thing left to do."

Tony shook his head. "It's a suicide mission. More people dead, all because they want to fight a lost cause."

"It's not lost yet," Thor replied quietly. "There is, perhaps, a way to win the war yet. This was but one battle."

"Even if we win… Peter… he'll still be dust. So will the others. So. What's the point?"

A tear slid down Tony's face. It was the same thing that happened whenever he allowed himself to think about Peter, and he paid it no mind.

Thor caught the tear with his thumb, wiping it away softly. "I too have lost what seems like everything," he said. "I will use that grief, that anger, and hatred, to fuel me in the fight to end Thanos. Even if I can not bring back that which I have lost, at least I will have the knowledge that I didn't give up."

"I'm tired, Thor. Tired, and numb and… I've given everything in me, trying to save the world. I tried, and I tried, and I still failed. I… I've got nothing left."

"You have a beating heart and a beautiful mind, Tony Stark. That I have known since we first met. Of course you have more to give. You just have to find the will."

"And if I can't?"

"Then you let others help you find it."

…

Thor's hand drew patterns on the bare skin of his arm. They lay side by side in Tony's bed, the silence between them comfortable. Tony had managed to sleep for a few hours after Thor had taken him apart piece by piece and allowed him some blissful silence in his mind.

"Thanos will be ended one way or another," Thor murmured, his voice lower than Tony had ever heard it.

Staring up at the ceiling, Tony nodded slowly before he sat up. "We're going to fix this. Peter… he deserved more than turning to dust. He deserves more than me wallowing in my own self-pity. That's… it's not the end for him. It's not."

He got up, leaving Thor on the bed and moved quickly into the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, freshly showered, he dressed quickly, pulling on comfortable jeans and a t-shirt.

"I'll be in the workshop if anyone needs me," he told Thor, offering the god a small smile. "Thank you."

"It is nice, to see that fire in your eyes where it belongs," Thor replied. "Welcome back, Man of Iron."

…

Tony clutched Peter to his chest, tears soaking into Peter's hair as the young man gripped him just as tightly, sobbing into his chest.

"You're fine," Tony whispered. "You're fine, you're here, I got you, you're safe."

If he'd thought about it, he'd have known that he was saying the words as much for his own benefit as he was for Peter.

"You did it," Peter whimpered. "You saved us. You saved me."

"You're the son I didn't know I needed," Tony said, clutching Peter tighter. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, you hear me. Nothing."

…

The stars are twinkling in the sky. Thor gazes up at them, feeling far more settled than the last time he had taken in such a view. Loki was still dead, Asgard still destroyed, and yet, he felt at peace.

He'd fought for vengeance, helped to defeat Thanos in the name of his brother. Loki could rest in peace, and that, if he couldn't have his brother back, was all that Thor wanted. Asgard could be, would be, rebuilt.

His home would be remade, no matter how long it took, and in the meantime, he had Earth. He had his second home, the place where he felt comfortable and accepted.

"Point Break."

Thor turned to see Tony approach him, and he smiled, patting the ground beside him in invitation. Tony sat, and the difference between this man and the one that Thor had found on the balcony was incredible and astounding.

"You are happy," Thor murmured, a small smile on his lips.

"Peter is safe," Tony replied, as though that was the only thing of worth that had happened. Thor thought that for Tony, perhaps it was.

"How are your injuries?"

Tony shrugged. "They'll heal, the same as they always do, I suppose. Physical injury is never fun, but it's far easier to recover from it."

Thor nodded. "I would like to court you."

Tony blinked. "Huh?"

"I would like to court you. Properly."

"If this is because of -"

"It's because you hold many of the qualities within you that I find attractive," Thor interrupted gently. "You are a fierce warrior, a graceful fighter. You are intelligent, handsome and unfailingly caring for those that you consider yours."

"Thor…"

"Think about it," Thor urged. "I do not need an answer right now. I… You remind me why I must continue to live. You give me a reason to want to."

There was a long pause, so long it was on the verge of awkward when Tony finally replied.

"When you put it like that, how can I possibly say no?"

Thor smiled, lifting a hand to caress Tony's cheek. "You do me great honour. I should very much like to kiss you."

Tony nodded, leaning into the large palm cupping his face.

The kiss was gentle, sweet and pure. A promise of kindness and respect, a vow to cherish and nurture.

The kiss was a promise of a forever to be had.


End file.
